Welcome To The Left-Back Zombie Apocalypse

The Dead Don't Just Walk, They Run Up And Down The Wing

As a primer, here are a list of all the levels I have personally played football.

• North Tyneside Schools Years 4, 5, 6, 9, 10 (got way too into Pokemon in year 7 and 8)

• British Universities and College Sports - Northern Tier 1

• Northern Football Alliance - Division 2

• London Supporters League

• Approx 700 Powerleagues and JJB Soccerdomes

And yet, across all that time, all those games, all those hours spent scraping the dreaded 3G ‘black crumb’ out of my boots/eyes, I don’t think I’ve ever met a single left-back.

I’ve met people who played left-back, sure, but they universally fell into one of three categories.

1. Natural left-footers who weren’t quick or skilful enough to play on the wing

2. Right-backs who tragically weren’t even the best right-back on the team

3. Someone’s near-useless friend, child, sibling, or colleague who found themselves in a starting XI purely so we’d have enough players

And yet, this season in the Premier League… this keeps happening.

That’s a left-back. So what the hell?