Liam Delap's Got A Big Arse, And That's Why Chelsea Bought Him

This is both tactical *and* insightful, I swear.

You ever notice how big Liam Delap’s arse is? Course not, you’re normal, but it’s sizeable.

Some distance north of six feet tall, he carved out a reputation at Ipswich last season not through the prowess of his goalscoring, but by the sheer number of physical duels he managed to win. What chances his teammates did manage to carve out for him he finished with near mathematical perfection (12 goals from 11.9 xg, for the Nerds amongst us) but he was never going to work the miracles required to keep them in the division.

In fact, in the proverbial “race for the golden boot” he finished the campaign wedged between Fulham’s Raul Jimenez and Brentford’s Kevin Schade. His two assists made him the joint-116th best creator of goals, as well. Not exactly the sort of paragraph that naturally follows a team bound for the Champions League spending the cost of a small hospital on you.

And yet, £30m was seen as a bit of a snip for him… and I’m here to tell you that’s because of the size of his arse.