Harry Kane Is England's Joe Biden, If That Makes Sense?

Thomas Tuchel, protect me from what I want (a goalscoring No.9).

Harry Kane is England’s greatest ever goalscorer born outside of Gosforth. He has, over the span of his career, caused me to make more celebratory noises in sun-drenched beer gardens than the sight of old friends and someone smashing a pint glass combined. I don’t mind sticking my neck out here; he is Quite Good.

So good, in fact, that in Thomas Tuchel’s first go in the hotseat against Albania, he went and scored one for the highlight reel. Expertly plucking the ball out of the sky, despite seeing it only at the last second as it skipped his marker, he recovers from it being stuck under his feet to calmly place it so far from the goalie’s reach that he doesn’t even dive. Honestly man, look at it!

He’s great! He’s going to be the first man in history to receive a Knighthood in a pair of Skechers! But this is that weird part they do in movie trailers now where the music stops, the smiles disappear, and it makes that weird bass dropping out sound. Bffffmmmmmm, or something.

I’m beginning to think he shouldn’t be starting for England.