Assorted Noticings: Premier League Gameweek 34
Chelsea are subscribed to ACFC! Pep 💖 Mikel! Goalkeepers know goalkeeping!
1. Chelsea In Disguise
As expertly (and handsomely, yes!) broken down in a recent ACFC video, Chelsea have had a number of major issues since the turn of the year. The results have become as patchy and inconsistent as my skin during university, and they’ve gone from being title dark horses to scrambling around for Champions League qualification.
Not to bore you with the maths, but the underlying numbers behind this were neatly summarized as.
They don’t win the ball back aggressively enough
They don’t pass the ball forward often enough
They’re too hesitant to get shots off
They’ve got a weird lob-on for having over 60% possession, yet never usually win when they get it.
You may also have noticed that they ground out a decent home win over draw fetishists Everton this weekend, and the goal looked like this.
They win the ball back aggressively…
They play it forward immediately…
They do not hesitate to get a shot away…
It would be a stretch to say they were “coming good” at the end of the season. But between this and an Incredibly Un-Maresca winning goal against Fulham, they do appear to be addressing the issues.
2. OMG Besties!
Despite how it gets painted in Sky Sports pre-match montages, Mikel Arteta is probably the closest thing Pep Guardiola has to a proper friend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Pep’s an immensely popular guy, but late into the dinner party when he finally gets to start positioning the wine glasses to show you how he creates an overload in the right-back zone, how many people don’t immediately decide, “well, it’s getting late!”.
Anyway, in a moment I’ve been waiting to happen all season, a team that isn’t Arsenal not only finally attempted The Arsenal Corner, but actually scored from it.
You’ve seen it on Monday Night Football every time they run out of talking points. First, you completely bin off the near-post zone which most teams dramatically over-protect, thus leaving six players here without a man to worry about. Then, you stick most of your best aerial threats at the back post to see how many markers they’ll attract which, in the above example, is all 5’7” of Bernardo Silva. Then, you stick your best header of the ball behind the penalty spot, away from everything.
The delivery skips the 6 players at the front, everyone at the back jumps forward to pin the defenders and goalkeeper in place, then your target steams in to get a running jump on everyone else.
Despite famously being victims of it themselves, City not only gave this an honest college try against Forest this weekend…
But it actually worked! Isn’t that cute!
And yes, I’m aware that’s not technically a “gameweek 34” thing as it’s the FA Cup, but it was more interesting than anything that happened in Bournemouth-Man United so, here we are.
3. Goalkeepers Union: Official Statement
One thing that always gets me about your dad’s biggest objection to female pundits on Premier League coverage being “they’ve never played the game at this level” is this: why is everyone then happy for someone who’s never played in goal… to talk with any sort of authority about… playing in goal?
This Saturday, Carlos Baleba scored an absolute worldie to turn a tense 2-2 with West Ham into a fantastic excuse for every single Brighton season-ticket holder to get eight pints deep in the afternoon sun. However, when catching this score update on Soccer Saturday (I was two pints deep in the afternoon sun), I was told Alphonse Areola “should really do better”.
Exhibit A: It’s only a side-footer from fully 30 yards. Bad.
Exhibit B: He basically just stands and watches it fly in. Bad.
Yeah, ok, fair enough, it’s not something you like to see. But do you know what you do like to see? The fucking ball.
Areola has precisely zero view of the ball because of Jarrod Bowen, and zero view of Baleba’s body shape for the shot because of Max Killman. It is absolutely impossible for him to get any read on this (or even just guess) until well after it’s left his foot, by which point there is precisely nothing he can do about it.
The moment he does catch sight of the shot, the ball is not only travelling at its top speed, but also a number of yards both high and wide of his post. And when it’s level with him (which you can see because of how he turns his head) it’s still not even remotely reachable. It only finally swings in and down in the three or four yards between him and the goal-line.
And yet - AND YET! - I heard this criticism repeated on Sky, 5 Live, social media, and even on Match of the Day before Joe Hart gently tried to shut it down. Weird that, isn’t it? The only pundit pointing out that it wasn’t saveable was the only pundit who’d ever actually saved a shot in their life. Quite the coincidence! Much to ponder on!
Eres el mejor.