Alexander Isak and Phantom Limb Syndrome

He lost his left leg in a war :(

Right then pals, happy new year. Two quick facts to get us started in 2025.

1. There is nothing worse than hyper-online football twitter types who constantly refer back to years-old predictions to try and make themselves look clever.

2. I (me) have been saying that Alexander Isak is one of the best centre-forwards in the world for well over five years.

Is that because I’m some sort of generational visionary at identifying footballing talent?? Able to reliably spot the raw ingredients in up-and-coming players in a way that few other minds have the scope to comprehend???

Or, - OR! - is it just because he’s been my one big, marquee, 30+ goal, attacking signing on Football Manager every single year since he went to Sociedad in like 2019? Because I’ll tell you this, it’s certainly one of those reasons.

Anyway, if you want to read something about how good he is then sadly you’ve clicked on the wrong article. There’s loads of that! You don’t need another one! And you have eyes! I want to talk about a really weird problem he seems to have with his brain because, while it is important to be serious, it is more important to be slightly obtuse.

Alexander Isak, as well as being the best striker in the Premier League this season by miles, has what medical professionals refer to as Inverse Phantom Limb Syndrome. Normally, that’s where patients feel real sensations in arms or legs that are no longer there. But for Isak, it’s that the limb is still attached to his body, but his mind is incapable of registering that it exists.

Worth pointing out at this stage that I’m not a doctor and I’ve entirely made this up. But let’s crack on.

Of his 49 goals for Newcastle, Isak has scored four of them with his left foot. In the Carabao Cup vs Manchester City; in the Premier League vs West Ham; in the FA Cup vs Sunderland; and in the Champions League vs PSG. It’s not a dramatic ratio - every striker has a preferred foot - but all of those goals have one glaring thing in common…

They arrive at him in a split second, directly onto his left foot, and he instinctively stabs them home. No time to think, no opportunity for his brain to make a decision. The left leg just shouts “mine!” and takes control.

Afford him any time to think about what he’s doing, and his brain seemingly disregards the fact he’s using it to stand/run, and does everything possible to take the chance with his right. A petty gripe? Yeah! An absurd umbrage to both take and write 1000+ words on? Bang on! But it’s also a fascinating technical quirk of a player who, without it, would be clear of Mo Salah this season at the top of the scoring charts. Let me show you.

The Swede (which I hate using as a second-mention because to me it just means ‘root vegetable’) extended his brilliant run of scoring against Manchester United the other night. A header, smartly dispatched, following some great movement into the box that allowed him to slip between defenders.

But he also found himself here.

It’s not quite a 1v1, but if by some bizarre arrangement of circumstance you had your house on him scoring here (do people actually do that? where has this expression come from?) you’d be edging off your seat expectantly. The only wrinkle here is the angle, as Onana has got his positioning bang on.

Both a side-foot into the near post, and the laces into the far, are well covered by his distance from the goal and his position relative to it. The proximity of the covering defender (side note: Harry Maguire has a really funny run, like Bridget Jones trying to catch a bus) means he’s only got a second here to get his shot away. So the solution is obvious.

If he opens up his body, any sort of curve on the ball puts it well out of the reach of Onana, and you don’t have to then sheepishly go home and tell your family you’ve lost their home in some freakish wager. The only problem, is that requires his left foot… and his brain doesn’t know it’s there.

So he takes another, entirely unnecessary, touch hoping that either a gap appears or the goalkeeper falls over. Neither occur, and he just chips it generously into his gloves. Falls very much into the These Things Happen category, but it happens a lot.

Let’s go back to his first season at Newcastle. This happens fast so you give it a couple of watches (and squint if you’re on your phone). Initially, he races through from a very slight left-to-right angle. Which, if you’re a striker whose brain cannot fathom your left foot, is as delicious a concept as a curry to a pisshead. You’ll either have the angle for a precision curl into the far corner, or the option of taking it past an onrushing goalie and knocking it in with your preferred boot. But watch his final touch before taking the shot.

The pace he’s running at means he just slightly knocks back to the left, meaning that the initial angle vanishes. Both finishing options still exist but, tragically, they’re now on his left foot which, apparently, doesn’t exist. Instead, we get the trademark limp chip into the goalie. These Things Happen!

An almost identical situation came against Leicester recently, only this time the ball gets slightly stuck under his foot. The difference here though is that the keeper stays at home meaning the dink isn’t going to be an option. What *is* an option though, are those two exact same finishes from above.

On his left, he could drill it into any of the four corners, or deftly curl it around Danny Ward, but tragically Alexander Isak’s brain earnestly believes his left leg was lost in the Swedish/English war of 2022. Which, if you’ve never heard of it before, we won, and is why Abba Voyage is hosted in London.

This is the worst one though.

I personally count three - ARGUABLY FOUR - chances here to get a shot away with a left foot. As he bears down on goal, as the goalkeeper comes rushing out, immediately after he touches it round him, and then as he turns back towards the six-yard box. What does his brain think he is using to balance?? Does it refuse to remember that he had to tie laces on two shoes??

INVERSE

PHANTOM

LIMB

SYNDROME

This still being the internet I feel compelled to reiterate my point that I still think he’s the best centre-forward in the Premier League. There’s only Salah with a better goals-per-minute ratio this season (Jhon Duran doesn’t count, grow up), and he looks every inch the man who fired me to back-to-back-to-back Champions League glory in last year’s Football Manager. But this is just bizarre to me: a man who also can’t score with his left leg, but at least knows it’s there.